Im thinking about studying this, what should i buy???? PLZ HELP?

Ok so im a guy and always been the outcast and im atheist and started to want to get into witchcraft and such like what should i get for a beginner for it and i would like to work my way up to spells and such, also would school libraries have witchcraft books or should i check public libraries and is it safe for someone who is secretly a cutter and somewhat suicidal